Key transforming truth: relationships are not as fragile as you think
Key action: say no
Key attitude: trust yourself
Practical outworkings of this might well include
- switching off my mobile and being unavailable at times I've set aside to play, pray or be with family
- resisiting the urge to plough into emails first thing in the morning (yes, I'm online now before I've been up to say the Office, and yes, I did do emails before blog) without first stilling myself and handing over fears/hopes to my Source of safety
- handing over to someone else a role I'm possessive about (stand well clear, anyone who doesn't want to find themselves up to their ears in OpenHouse)
- asking for help when needed, rather than taking on all the responsibility myself
OK.
Typing that lot felt very vulnerable. Not the sort of "cost-you-your- job/wreck-your- relationships" vulnerability that might be part of careless blogging, but rather the vulnerability that says
"now anyone reading this who was at the residential will be able to work out what "type" I am, and could speculate on the flaws in personality or relationship that have made me thus".
[Awful pause for thought.]
They might be able to guess what I keep in my cupboard back-stage.
Its hard to think of anything less backstage than a blog open to the whole world to read (however limited my real live readership) but yes, I do trust that those reading who are guessing significances won't think the less of me...
And, bearing in mind the stuff in my personal back-stage cupboard, that feels like a pretty big thing for a Tuesday morning.
I'm reading this and thinking -- wow, we really are twins.
ReplyDeleteYou've really outlined the things I need to work on ....
Triplets, I think. Not doing e mails first... switching the mobile off... not being indispensable.... Good heavens, who on earth would we be?
ReplyDeleteIsn't all this NORMAL for mothers (or others who have been in a caring role) of our age? No? Perhaps we're just quads although it's my bet there are at least six or seven others of us out there. I look at my dear boss who is failing so painfully to hand over any of the tasks involved in "mothering" our grown up "babies" and see all my own faults all too clearly mirrored.
ReplyDeleteKey transforming truth: relationships are not as fragile as you think
ReplyDeleteKey action: say no
Key attitude: trust yourself
Oh, I like these. And I so admire you for admitting to them. And I feel reassured that there are others out there who fear the fragility of relationships. Thank you.
I've had your post open all day. I won't claim to be yet another twin (although I know our Myers-Briggs is the same), but I do identify with you.
ReplyDelete'my Source of safety'???
ReplyDeletelove you, regardless - and because of - every personality flaw/ relationship flaw or in this case jargonistic flaw that you could possibly come up with. And stragnely enough, as you keep reminding the rest of us, god does too.
(and i'm not actually convinced that you think relationships are fragile - you may fear they are, or feel they are, but your thinking is pretty firmly grounded whenever i've come upon it....)
hug.
From an INTP can I just say how terrible it must be to be bothered by all this, which is as close to empathy as INTPs ever get. Least I feel it is, and how hard was that to type. Words rock; people roll.
ReplyDelete