Saturday, April 30, 2005

Say it with flowers!

I'm glad to say that Thursday's meeting was not all political. There was lots of helpful conversation about models of ministy, and of work/life balance, and the sharing of some creative new "shapes" of ordained ministry too. We also had a brief discussion about the way different personality types respond to and offer affirmation. As a Myers Briggs ENFP I easily identified with those who tend to spread buckets of praise about the place, and thrive on receiving a fair dollop in return...when someone says to me (as my ISTJ husband did last night) that the essay was "not bad" I assume that this means he hates it and it's unspeakably awful....(OK, I exaggerate a little: but that's what ENFPs do, isn't it?!). The conclusion we came to was that, as a rule of thumb, the amount that people offer praise is the measure by which they would welcome it in return. We also commented on how rarely people actually thank the vicar, even(or specially) at Annual Parochial Church Meetings, and I realised how fortunate I am in my present context. My vicar believes in positive affirmation :-)
So, it turns out, does a family whose baptism prep and service I arranged...The doorbell rang earlier today, and a most enormous and wonderful bouquet was thrust into my startled hands. The baptism, of twins conceived after some years of IVF, had been a joy to be involved in (even allowing for crises such as the non appearance of the organist). I suspect that, in many ways, I should have been the sender and not the recipient of the flowers. Not that I'm proposing to send them back. My honorary mother always says that if you have enough fresh flowers about the place, nobody notices the heaps of dust. Now's a great chance to test the theory...

3 comments:

Humble Secretary said...

Positive affirmation is needed by moi, as well, and less needed but hugely appreciated is the way my boss manages to thank me for so much .......... he doesn't just leave it as a "thank you" but always qualifies it with a "thank you for bla bla bla"

It is amazing how much better results he gets out of me for this display of gratitude. And if only the rest of the world (myself included) would realise how much more we would get out of each other by giving a few positive strokes.

Kathryn said...

Thank you, my friend, for your wonderful comment...a pleasure to read, truly :-) :-)

Humble Secretary said...

No thank you for a fabulous (as always) post.