Thursday, December 22, 2005

In the continuing absence of anything worth blogging

allow me to subject you to the dodgy privilege of the Fleming's Christmas letter. I realise that this is probably so unwise as to guarantee the departure of any readers forthwith and even for evermore, and I certainly don't want to have it graded by Steve. However, just so you know that life of a sort is still extant at the Curate's house, here we have it. I suspect all readers will score top marks, but, as the rubric warns you, success in this doesn't actually qualify you for anything.
Oh, and multiple apologies to any readers who've actually been sent the wretched thing too!
Happy Grimble!

We’ve had too many exams in the family this year, so instead of a letter we are asking you to take the multiple choice test which appears below…If nothing else, it will be an alternative to the Times Bumper Christmas General Knowledge Crossword. In some cases, more than one answer may be correct…or not!

Christmas Joint Examination Board: Special Paper B2
Fleming Family 2005-12-05

Notes for candidates. Do not attempt to answer all the questions at once.
Candidates can neither be qualified nor disqualified for anything.
The examiner’s decision is immaterial.

1. During the year 2005 J enjoyed 10 days in the Lake District caving, ghyll scrambling and sailing with
a) the Antedeluvian Order of Buffaloes
b) the Scouts
c) his tutor group from Borstal

2. Having gained 2 A’s and a B at A level, L is now funding Gap year travel by selling
a) snow to eskimos
b) lurid green shirts
c) her body

3. On 2nd July K was
a) ordained Priest in Gloucester Cathedral
b) on time for something
d) invited to a barbecue

4. A is still
a) mending clocks
b) smoking dope
d) singing Grand Opera

5. The highlight of G’s year was probably
a) hearing U2 at Cardiff
b) snorkelling in the Severn
c) being allowed out of the house in daylight hours

6. J recently appeared in the local paper as
a) a Dean’s Chorister
b) a skinhead
c) the letter “e”

7. L and G both appeared on stage in
a) Leopard-skin tutus
b) Jesus Christ Superstar
c) Utter confusion

8. During the year, K has spent too much time
a) blogging
b) sleeping
c) cleaning the bathroom

9 Having survived GCSEs, G is now taking A levels in
a) Maths, Further Maths, Chemistry, Computing and History
b) Maths, Further Maths, Palmistry, Forestry and Inebriation
c) a spirit of defiance

10. In June L and J made
a) supper for the Youth Group
b) another CD
c) friends with a hedgehog

11. A has recently returned to playing
a) poker
b) the field
c) badminton

12 In early June, friends and family celebrated J’s
a) execution
b) extradition
c) confirmation

13 Family life has changed beyond recognition now that
a) L has a full driving licence
b) Dillon’s A.S.B.O. has arrived
c) G is playing the piccolo

14 During the year L and K both appeared in
a) published anthologies
b) stripey socks
c) an awful hurry

15 During the October half term, G explored
a) His inner child
b) Moscow and St. Petersburg
c) The Metropolitan Sewage System


Tony said...

You lead interesting lives! (Though you don't seem to have any trouble in imagining them being even more interesting ...)

Emily said...

I love it. What a great Christmas letter.

Sophia said...

This is very funny!

I have to confess automatically enjoying any post that includes the word "dodgy" as Americans don't use that word (our loss - it is such a good word in certain situations).

I'm also pretty sure I've never encountered the Times Bumper Christmas General Knowledge Crossword, but your exam sounds like more fun either way.


Lorna said...

*GREAT stuff


and Blessed Christmas Kathryn.