"And we're back...."

Apologies for the break in transmission, but there has been more going on in my life over the past fortnight than any woman can rightly cope with. Definitely good in more than a few parts but wildly emotional and pretty time consuming too The mix of feelings in that last weekend at St M's put even the most extravagant Southern cocktail to shame...After the long night that was Maundy Thursday came the exhausted emptiness of Good Friday. I repeatedly had to stop myself from thinking "last time" thoughts as the complex blend of words and music that is the Holy Saturday Vigil wound its way around the pillars of the church. The Easter fire was kindled and the Resurrection proclaimed in all the ancient ageless beauty of the Exultet, then celebrated in a church full of children for the Easter Sunday Eucharist. Presiding there was a mixture of utter delight and deep sadness at imminent parting. It was always going to be an emotional experience, but nothing had prepared me for the gut wrenching intensity. Clearly one of the many effects of Ordination is to connect you far more closely with the congregation where you have served for even four short years, than even with the home church that nurtured your vocation through the previous 14. Tears flowed at the Communion rail and at the door...and at the same time I was trying hard to offer joyful Easter blessings and "Good to have you with us" as occasional visitors have every right to expect. I so didn't want to high-jack te day and the excitement of our First Communicants did much to balance my free-fall feelings, though I was completely undone when Junior Church presented me with some fabulous art-work, and 2 Little Fishes appeared with an album of the loveliest photos from the group. More lovely gifts followed in the afternoon, including, wonderfully, a 1st century Palestinian oil-lamp, which nestles delightfully in the hand. Incredible to think that I own something dating from the time of Christ...slightly soot-blackened from long-dead flames...to realise afresh that my ministry at St Mary's and beyond is part of a continuum stretching back to that group clustered around the table at the Last Supper. We come and go, but the light goes on shining. I tried, haltingly, to preach on that at Evensong, then more hugs, more tears, and hugs again and it was done. Church keys left on the vestry table, robes cleared from the cupboard, no longer an assistant curate but very nearly a priest-in--charge. That community has taught me so much, shown me great love and endless encouragement, been so generous with themselves as we have journeyed together.
"For all that has been, thanks.
For all that shall be, yes."

What I’m for….

I don’t know if I'm peculiar in this (I said "in this", ok?) , but I tend to find that being away from the parish makes me notice all the things I wish were different, the relationships that I find challenging, the habits of mind or practice that seem unhelpful.

It works on a personal level too, of course. I always come back from retreat with a raft of new resolutions, plans and hopes – this time I’ve even written a “to do” list (which experience suggests it would be unwise to publish) in an attempt to use my energies as positively as I can. Being given the gift of time to spend with God, I become aware of how easy it is to let that primary relationship get crowded out even as I engage in all sorts of activities that should have God's name running through to their very core.
So I took a long and hard look at myself and my own situation, and then turned the same scrutiny on the life of St M’s. By about Thursday night I had decided that things were pretty ropy there…

But then, of course, it was time to come home and this morning I presided at the Eucharist .
J was making his First Communion, so his warm and wonderful family was out in force.
R, knee-high to the organist, was admitted as a full member of the choir, with all the attendant delight of choir and congregation.
And standing on the chancel steps I could see so many dear and friendly faces – and I realised once again the privilege of serving, for the moment, God’s people in this place.
This community, warts and all, is the setting where I'm to try to retell Christ's story in my own life.
This community is the framework in which my ministry has meaning, as we work out the narrative together.
This community is the place where my priesthood can be articulated, as I gather up its concerns and offer them at the altar.
I know I'll move on in a little while, - a prospect that is almost as exciting as it is daunting,- but actually it’s quite OK being here for now. It's what I'm for.

Triduum Images 3

And proclaimed with great joy and excitement to capacity congregations this morning.

And that's it.
One more service, and then we're esaping to life in the very very slow lane, courtesy of the inland waterways system. Our first stay on the narrowboat which is actually going to be ours.
Catch you on Friday.

A blessed Eastertide, all of you.

Images from the Triduum - Saturday

THE LIGHT OF CHRIST
For the first time this year, we lit the Easter fire outside the church and gathered the whole congregation there...which meant that, as the Deacon of the rite, I had to carry the paschal candle into a completely dark and empty church.
And it was amazing.

The rest of the Easter Vigil, including the baptism of a Little Fishes mum and both her daughters, another chance to cause havoc with the rosemary while sprinkling the congregation, and a wonderful recessional, led by two very excited little girls who had just joined the family of the church, was all lovely too.
But it's that moment of walking into the darkness, carrying the Christ light that will stay with me

Images from the Triduum - Thursday and Friday

After the Maundy Thursday Eucharist, with the incredible range of emotions that presiding there produced in me, we began the Watch with Koinonia...
We ate together, and when the meal was over T., the youth leader, and I got up from the table and washed the feet of all those wonderful young people who give me such joy week by week.
It was good to be with them through the long (alternately reverent and riotous) night...To be with them when the dawn brought the harsh sound of nails driven into wood...And then some of them, having sung the Good Friday liturgy, joined in the ecumenical walk of witness as well.
All good.
So glad they were there.

Not all suburbia

School was cancelled for my boys today, so before Morning Prayer the Dufflepud the dogs and I went on a wonderful walk up through the woods that overlook Ch Kings. We were the first people about and it was quite breathtaking...though poor Mufti, the Australian terrier, is honestly too low-slung to cope very well with deep snow, and was soon shackled by huge snow-balls round all 4 paws and hanging from her tummy as well. She kept going manfully for a long while, until she couldn't actually move at all - at which point she lay down, almost disappearing completely in the drifts.

All in all, it was a wonderful way to begin the day. It's not often that I actually see the beauty right on the doorstep. Having the outlines of trees and hedges muffled by snow somehow makes them more real. Now, though, the morning's gleaming whiteness has been reduced to grubby slush in most places, and a normal life of hospital visits, synod meetings and overdue sermon prep beckons again.

Keeping up with the Joneses in Privet Drive

I am with difficulty refraining from singing "There's no business like snow-business" as I go upon my merry way!