Friday, June 27, 2008

Orphans?

In days of yore, if you believe the novels, it was quite commonplace for the Vicar to open his front door and find a small bundle on the doorstep which turned out to contain a tiny baby, swaddled against the bitter cold.
When I went out last night, there on the doorstep was a small bundle that contained.............

a clutch of assorted hymnbooks (3 or 4 of each book), property of both our churches.

I have to admit to complete bafflement. Wedding couples often borrow a book to help them choose hymns for their service - but surely they would have knocked on the door or left a note...and anyway, there were rather too many for one couple to need. The church is still currently locked when I'm not there during the week (yes, of course this is going to change - but we need to get some portable items secured first, and this takes a bit of organising) so it seems unlikely that they were removed by a book thief who then suffered a crisis of conscience, or realised that there wasn't much call for Hymns Old & New or Mission Praise on the black market....
Somebody please come up with an entertaining story to explain what happened. I'll try and devise a suitable award for the most diverting (yes, it's Friday all day today!)

2 comments:

Songbird said...

I hope it's okay just to giggle.

Jonathan Hunt said...

This is, of course, the work of either a rampant moderniser or a throwback, who objects to both the hymnbooks and wants them changed to either Metrical Psalms or the very latest book you can buy in Wesley Owen, or indeed, no books but a big screen and projection system.

This person has, for some time, been subtly slipping the offending books into their handbag or inside their overcoat, and hoping to diminish the stocks sufficiently that thought is given to replacement, at which time they can make their pitch.

They are also responsible for the rips, tears and inexplicable scribble marks appearing on so many of the books that do remain. You thought that they were making notes of your sermon, but they are vandalising hymnbooks...

Until now. Last Sunday they had an apostrophe (I think he means Epiphany, ed) where in the service they were convicted that such behaviour was unbecoming of a child of God. This conviction did not, alas, come from the preaching, but being caught in the act...

You've seen them before haven't you? The nicely dressed lady in the hat strolling out with the hymnbook under their arm... 'oh, dear me, I have taken the hymnbook! I must put that back, otherwise someone might think I was STEALING it, ha ha ha!'

Now you know. They ARE.