Servant King

The second station...focussed on foot-washing & what that might look like in 21st century Cashes Green.
In the interests of practicality, the children weren't invited to take off socks & shoes but rather to dip their fingers in the water & trace the cross on their palms as a silent prayer that God would use them to help someone in a special way this Easter. As I listened to their ideas about situations where they might make a difference, it was clear that they had got the idea well and truly, were doing well as they thought about the essence of service.
But for my own part, I have to say that I felt a bit like Simon Peter
When you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you wanted to go; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands and another will gird you and take you where you would rather not go (Jn 21:18).

It's so easy to agree to serve...but to be served- that's such a different matter.

During this most peculiar Lent I've learned so much about the state of dependence. It was (relatively) easy to accept (and even ask for) help from my children & a small cluster of good friends, but well nigh impossible to ask for help from the congregations. To-day is my first anniversary here & there are many good souls whom I'm happy to know, several who are well on the way to being friends, one or two whom I'd visit if I were having a bad day....but nobody whom I could envisage asking to wash my hair or do my ironing. Not yet.

I think I may have failed to grasp the potential lessons of this Lent. I did try, truly - but I think I'll be working on meaning these words for a while yet.
"pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too" .

During the Maundy Watch some years ago I wrestled with my reluctance to allow Christ to wash my feet.
I recognised the need to jettison such arrogant self-sufficiency, but I guess I am a slow learner.

I've got that Holy Week feeling

Things are pretty frantic in the vicarage. Having welcomed every child from two out of three schools in the parish to Experience Easter, and with funerals continuing to come in droves, time to prepare practically for Holy Week has been cut to the bone. I look set to be printing service sheets minutes before handing them to the congregation pretty much all week - there's not alot in the church cupboard that I'm happy to use untweaked, and one armed typing remains a challenge. So I really ought not to be blogging at all - but the Friday Five was so apposite I could not resist.

Sally over at the RevGal site says:

Holy Week is almost upon us, I suspect that ordained or not, other revgal/pals calendars look a bit like mine, FULL, FULL, FULL........

Jesus was great at teaching us to take time out, even in that last week, right up to Maundy Thursday he withdrew, John's gospel tells us he hid! He hid not because he was afraid, but because he knew that he needed physical, mental and spiritual strength to get through...

So faced with a busy week:

1. What restores you physically?
Sleep. Hot baths (oh I do wish I could hurl this plaster cast to oblivion - but I don't even see the Great Bone Man til Monday & nothing is certain even then). Walks with dogs & children.
Currently & unusually I'm not sleeping that well - which probably fuels the escalating panic which in turn prevents me sleeping....aaargh.

2. What strengthens you emotionally/ mentally?
Hugs from those I cherish. Reading words that have inspired me before (two saint Johns, Donne & the Evangelist are particularly effective, but there are many many others). Music - Bach is best, Mozart too (but please can someone help me dislodge the phrase from the Credo of the Weber Mass we are singing in choir that has been haunting my dreams since Monday?:I think I have it right now).

3. What encourages you spiritually? Doing my job - at the altar (though not at the desk)...in the community...that sense of being swept up into the ceaseless praise around the throne that so often comes during the Sanctus when I preside. My friends & soul mates & of course the Best Spir Dir ever. Music again - I think I need to put on the B Minor Mass urgently to restore some perspective.

4. Share a favourite poem or piece of music from the coming week.
So much of Holy Week has a sound-track for me dating from my time as a chorister at St John the Divine, Kennington. The Vittoria Passion; Lotti's Crucifixus; John of Portugal's Crux Fidelis...That's just not going to happen in an little church in the provinces...so I will be focussing on the Passion Chorale as we sing it around 3.00 on Friday.

5.There may be many services for you to attend/ lead over the next week, which one are you most looking forward to and why? If there aren't do you have a favourite day in Holy week if so which one is it?
In this first Holy Week here I'm too conscious of the responsibility for enabling the worship of others to dare to look forward yet. Some of the services that loom so large will be new to the parishes, in some we will have to find a route that honours their traditions but makes liturgical sense to me...It's going to be an intereseting week (specially if I dont get typing/copying very soon).
I'm also aware of a part of myself that is courting disappointment by wishing that the liturgy might be more finely-tuned and polished than it's likely to be. I realise that even if I hanker for it, the house style of St M's would not be authentic here, so I need to get over this fast! As I said, interesting...
But with all that going on, I am really looking forward to Stations of the Cross on Tuesday evening. I've a lovely set of posters from the sisters of Turvey Abbey, and just to try to follow Jesus, one step at a time, is surely all I need attempt - in Holy Week or ever.

Small graces on Lady Day

This was always going to be a busy time, even before The Arm happened.
My invitation to our local schools to follow the "Experience Easter" trail was unexpectedly popular, meaning that I'm needed in church to meet, greet, explore & explain not just for one week but for two. So far, with 5 out of 14 classes gone through, it's going fine. Interesting to notice which stations inspire the most thoughtful responses here - quite different in Ch Kings though the material, & my presentation of it, has not changed noticeably. I'll hope to blog the trail fully later - for now I'm only mentioning it as a clue to why life is a bit pressurised.
Add to that the Minister's Report for the Annual Parochial Church Meeting this coming Sunday at Church in the Valley, special services for Palm Sunday, pretty much every day of Holy Week & the Triduum (and a broken photocopier in the parish office - what stellar timing!) and a sudden run of funerals & tis unsurprising that my diary has looked a little alarming. When I got up this morning, I really wasn't certain that the different bits of the day would dovetail at all - but in the event they did, and there was so much grace in evidence throughout a long long day.

A decidedly ordinary assembly began the day. Theme: courage, but I failed completely to engage the room full of infants, whose attentions were focussed on the imminent excitements of some medieval "time travellers" who were due to arrive any moment. I left pretty certain that we hadn't connected at all, and consoling myself with the thought that I would be back next week - except that as we followed the Easter trail later in the day, a little girl snuck up to me and told me that my ramblings had in fact made a huge and important difference, that she had dared to tell someone about a heavy situation she was facing, that she no longer felt so alone and afraid.
On that basis, this morning's flop was probably the most significant assembly I've taken. Do pray for M and for all children carrying big burdens in silence...

A lovely Eucharist for the Annunciation. We prayed the Angelus together, the first time it has been used in public worship in the valley for quite a while. It's not a reflection of the dominant spirituality of the Sunday congregation, but that close-knit Wednesday group sank into it with comfortable devotion and it was just right for that time and that place.

Despite an emergency dash up to school to copy material for the Lent course (see what I mean re our copier's timing?) I even had the opportunity to ask someone to stand for election to the PCC - and he agreed. Splendid! He will be a real asset :)

Lent Course - the caring church. Startlingly difficult to persuade the group to recognise the examples of Christian service in their midst, even with some real saints of the church there among us. Even the towering figures, the William Booths & Mother Theresas, took a while to surface so that I'm left with the nagging though that we're still a long way from really making connections between faith and life. Even after dredging up examples of Christians who have made difference, it was hard to move on to discover what this might tell us of the fundamentals of our faith. Ah well - still a good conversation and who knows what may have surfaced once I'd departed for a funeral, taking with me, I suspect, the worry that they might not come up with the "right" answers.

Funeral at the crem for B, a man in his 90s whom I had never known, and whose executor was his solicitor. Did your heart sink like mine when you read that? Usually such funerals are bleak occasions when it can be hard to thank God for a life of whose course you know nothing. Not so B's service. His appointment o the solicitor reflected his lifelong determination not to burden those who loved him, and in fact B had an affectionate niece and a loyal friend who shared memories with me for the address, and suggested just the right readings for this quietly contented man. There were just a handful of us there in the chapel, and as we listened to Ecclesiastes "there is a time for every purpose..." I think we all knew we were on holy ground.
I rarely post funeral addresses, as I feel that they are too personal, not really mine to share, but I'm going to make an exception for B., because I learned so much in that half hour about the value of life, and really felt the words I spoke.

Experience Easter with another class, then book group looking (along with most of the world) at The Shack. We are divided: I hate the "style" but love some touches of the content and others were more enthusiastic. I have at least one parishioner who needs the reminders the book offers that God is not a vengeful ogre - but I fear she would be put off by the transatlantic context and not hear the truth through the background noise.
The real grace here, though, was the grace of sharing with friends in ministry. We trained together and over delicious scones that J had made we told our stories, mourned, grumped and celebrated ogether - and it was very good.

Thanks be to God for Wednesday - now to engage with Thursday's busyness, praying to notice God's presence along the way.

Laetare!

After a week in which frustration trumped exhaustion in the ongoing saga of life with a broken arm, rendering me pretty unpleasant both to myself and to my patient family, I'm happy to report that to-day lived up to its name & brought some much-needed refreshment.

Down at church in the valley we had a goodly collection of families, some regulars and some new faces/baptism returners.I was specially thrilled that a family for whose mum I shall take a funeral service later this week joined us. I try so hard to keep the bereaved, the disappointed, the childless at the front of my mind and to steer our reflections away from a religious version of a (rhymes with) Ballpark fiesta...Today I'd placed an icon of the Mother of God on the altar in the Lady chapel and moved our votive candle stand so that people could pause as they returned from Communion to remember, or to offer their grief to God. I hope it helped: they seemed in reasonable heart as they left.

During my talk, I borrowed from a friend the idea of inviting the congregation to come up with a job-description of a mother. I had kind of envisaged most replies coming from children and one or two did oblige - but I had some quite splendid interaction from one of our more senior ladies - whose mother was quite clearly every saint you can imagine and then some...Thankfully we all agreed that most of fall far short of such ideals, so were able to give thanks for all the other wonderful people God puts in our way to offer a little extra mothering and accept our own resposibility for caring too.
A quick burst of Teresa of Avila (no hands on earth but yours...), flowers taken to everyone by our wonderful children....just so much that was good, loving, holy..

Up the hill, things were completely different:not a hint of a child about the place but some special moments too. My colleague presided, so I had the pleasure of giving flowers to everyone as the returned from the altar. To be able to say thank you to everyone by name in that small community that loves their church so much, to acknowledge that we need one another..Holy ground once again, and some much-needed refreshment.

Glimpsing the obvious

So often over the past 4 weeks, sympathetic people have commented that everything must take twice as long when managed with one hand...I have agreed readily but it was only to-day that I recognised the truth that, if everything is gong to take twice as long, my hope to get 50% of my normal goals achieved in a given day is only going to be possible if I actually work a full day - and that will leave me just as weary as in fact I am.
The problem is that faced with that realisation, and paring things down as far as I humanly can, there is still more to be done than I can begin to contemplate. I've said before that if I write a to-do list I'm quite close to the edge. I finished one this morning - and it covers 2 sides in my A5 notebook.
Whoever thought it might be good for Lent, Holy Week & Easter to belong together???

Lenten health check part 2

Amid the thwarted plans & radical rethinking that this Lent has brought, one element of ny original intentions has remained constant. Fr Simon of Blesséd
has been texting & tweeting a series of daily gems, which have arrived regardless of whether I thought I was "up to" engaging with them or not. Since my phone has been my constant companion since the day of my fall, I've not been able to pretend they weren't there, even on the grumpist days.
So, despite myself I've read, I've reflected & I have been blessed in the process.

A few days ago, the words of Padre Pio
"pray, hope & don't worry"
sustained me as I went through the day - a reminder that amid bushels of "what ifs" all really shall be well.

Here is what I received yesterday.

Blesséd->Tip out the salt shaker into your hand. The many grains are as numerous as God's blessings on you. Don't count them, feel them.

I didnt, I confess, risk the salt - the prospect of something else that I could not tidy up for myself seemed unwelcome and thus likely to be counterproductive - but I most definitely engaged in feeling my blessings. I felt them as I prepared to sleep last night, cosy in my nest on the sofa with companionable cats at hand...I felt them again as we began our worship this morning by singing "God is here as we his people", as I offered the Eucharistic prayer with the wonderful Lenten Preface

It is indeed right and good
to give you thanks and praise,
almighty God and everlasting Father,
through Jesus Christ your Son.
For in these forty days
you lead us into the desert of repentance
that through a pilgrimage of prayer and discipline
we may grow in grace
and learn to be your people once again.
Through fasting, prayer and acts of service
you bring us back to your generous heart.
Through study of your holy word
you open our eyes to your presence in the world
and free our hands to welcome others
into the radiant splendour of your love.
As we prepare to celebrate the Easter feast
with joyful hearts and minds
we bless you for your mercy
and join with saints and angels
for ever praising you...

I felt them too as I spoke to people at the door and as I walked home in the spring sunshine, past gardens filled with daffodils beneath a sky of cloudless blue.
Blessed?
Oh yes, most definitely.

Too good to miss : a belated friday five

When Sophia posted this yesterday I was too weary to engage, but its a topic that really does bear consideration in a Lent in which I've found myself changed in a moment from initiaor/doer to --- something that feels disturbingly like a lump of cold porridge. So here's my attempt at a mid-Lent health-check (with apologies if the formatting, which is currently refusing to behave at all).

The pastor of my grad school parish once gave a fascinating reflection, at about this mid-point in the season, called "How to Survive the Mid-Lent Crisis"! As I recall, his main point was that by halfway through the season we have often found it very challenging to live up to our original plans....But, he suggested--on the analogy of the healing and reframing of our life plans that can happen during a mid-*life* crisis--that that can be even more fruitful.

So here's an invitation to check in on the state of your spirit midway through "this joyful season where we prepare to celebrate the paschal mystery with mind and heart renewed" (Roman Missal). Hopefully there's a good deal of grace, and not too much crisis, in your mid-Lenten experience!

1. Did you give up, or take on, anything special for Lent this year?
Plans for Lent included daily reflective blogging, some serious reading & persuading people in both churches to engage in the diocesan Praying Together" programme...

2. Have you been able to stay with your original plans, or has life gotten in the way?
And how...!!!!

3. Has God had any surprising blessings for you during this Lent?
I've learned above all the sheer depths of patience & kindness that my youngest child possesses. ..I'm still struggling to find the grace to welcome the help of others..that would be such a blessing too. Currently I feel both frustrated & embarassed. Not good.

4. What is on your inner and/or outer agenda for the remainder of Lent and Holy Week?
Somehow we have to be ready to welcome c5oo school children to take part in the Experience Easter trail - new to these parishes but something which really worked in my training parish...We have Mothering Sunday & Palm Sunday All Age services to plan & I still need 2 liturgies for Holy Week, a clutch of sermons & bucket loads of publicity...
As for me, looking inwards, I still need to come to terms with who I am when I can do so little...and the challenge of befriending this body which suddenly feels much older & less reliable than I would like.

5. Where do you most long to see resurrection, in your life and/or in the world, this Easter?
At the risk of stating the obvious, a personal resurrection that involved welcoming Easter with two open arms would be wonderful...there's scope for a few more domestic & parochial resurrections too as church on the hill sheds the first installment of scaffolding & , please God, the families that found their way to churh in te valley at Christmas remember we're still here thinking about what happened when that Baby grew up...& further afield...some signs of hope for those struggling with unemployment & the fear of losing homes along with jobs.

Finite resources

can be frustrating - as I'm finding as my battered body uses energy to heal that I thought was mine to use on projects that seemed to be important. I'm learning slowly.
I've decided that if the keeping of a good Lent is solely dependent on the vicar getting lovely Lenten liturgies planned & printed we might have to make do with a less "perfect" Lent (I do know that it isn't, btw...honestly I do).
I've realised that though it is one heck of a nuisance for the poor Dufflepud to have to run the house & walk the dogs Monday to Friday, it probably won't do him lasting damage, & that though I may contribute the odd good idea to assorted groups in the parish & beyond, ther's not alot of pont in killing myself to get to meetings if my presence is all I can offer because the effort of getting there has left me with no creativity at all.
I certainly don't like it, but I am reluctantly beginning to grasp some important stuff, so maybe, just maybe, there may in the end be some good outcomes from this unplanned Lenten discipline.

All of this clarified for me as I read a wonderful article about the Church & the Credit Crunch over on Thinking Anglicans. I've come across the writer, Meg Gilley, on a couple of rather good preaching lists I belong to, and her sermons are always first rate. Here she is, discerning God amid the all too finite resources of a dwindling C of E in a financial crisis - the whole piece is well worth reading.

Money is a language. God will speak to us in whatever language we are able to listen. If there is a crisis with money, what is God saying? When I consider the Financial Crisis on a theological level (and of course it can and must be read on other levels as well), I hear a condemnation of our society’s love of money and insatiable appetites that must be satisfied now. We do need to repent and rebuild our infrastructure on better values. Money also asks questions of the church about its priorities. In a crisis, money tells us that we can’t do what we thought we wanted to do, and maybe we need to go back to think and pray about what it is that we are called to do in this place, at this time. It may be that we need to do less of something that is good in order to do another thing that is better.

Isn't that fab?. I'm trying to read it on two levels - as I deal with my own sense of material/financial insecurity (3 children still in various forms of education & a husband whose work is based on one of the ultimate inessentials, the antique clock) & also as I struggle with the limited enery that looks set to be my portion for a while yet

In a crisis, ........tells us that we can’t do what we thought we wanted to do, and maybe we need to go back to think and pray about what it is that we are called to do in this place, at this time.

I'm trying, really I am.

The Ideal Church - let me hear your views

is a pretty unlikely concept...All of us, I'm sure, have thought time and again,
"If I were designing the perfect means to enable God's people to join in God's mission to the world - I wouldnt start from here."
On Saturday, A began the away-day by asking us to imagine what we would commission if given the funding to create a picture of "the church".It was interesting to hear some of the suggestions; pretty much all of those which were shared included the building, with more or less emphasis on the people too. I didnt know whether to smile or weep at the image of a church with many hands reaching out to draw (or drag?) others in...it was too reminiscent of the way that church buildings can operate as a vortex sucking us all in & draining our energies.

However, one of the hopes for the day was that the two church councils would begin to see the greater calling of the Church - & we have planned to work with this theme through a sermon series supported by a four session Lent course.
So. I need material to prompt our thoughts on
The Praying Church
The Learning Church
The Caring Church and
The Sharing Church.

I had been SO looking forward to spending last week reading around & planning the sessions - but life intervened rather - so now I'm canvassing suggestions for key readings (Scriptural or otherwise), anecdotes & inspiring questions - particularly in relation to the praying & learning themes. I'm deeply frustrated - I so wanted to create someting that would absolutely chime with the needs & experiences of my two communities - but as it is, I'm treading the well worn path to "get by with a little help from my friends". Hopeful thanks in advance