10 Commandments for Reducing Stress

My good friend S., with whom I trained at vicar school, clearly knows me far better than is comfortable. She sent me this today...I promise to try but please don't hold your breath.....

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR REDUCING STRESS

1. Thou shalt not be perfect, or even try.

2. Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people.

3. Thou shalt leave undone things that ought to be

done.

4. Thou shalt not spread thyself too thin.

5. Thou shalt learn to say No.

6. Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and for thy

support network.

7. Thou shalt switch off and do nothing regularly.

8. Thou shalt be boring, inelegant, untidy and

unattractive at times.

9. Thou shalt not feel guilty.

10. Thou shalt very definitely not be thine own worst

enemy, but thine own best friend.

Things to avoid

during swine flu.

Pictures of amazing conference venue & serious reflections on all I learned will follow, but this was too good not to share at once. Thanks J, who sent it to me

good line

During my address yesterday I asked the children to suggest some things they might choose to give up during Lent. M, who is 8 I believe, bought the house down with her one word answer
"Smoking"

Let's be shallow

I'm still hoping/planning to post some reflections from last week's Chapter residential, but in the meantime I've been tagged so often for the 25 random things meme that it was getting embarassing, so as the snowflakes dance outside the vicarage window, here we go... (cross posted at FB - don't we live in an entangled world?)

I suspect that almost 25 tags for this bear my name. Being naturally obedient I actually wrote a list after the first couple of people tagged me but being technicially inept, when I thought it was safely posted lo - there it was gone. So, here we go again ...an even more random list because I can't remember which bits of randomness I offered originally. I have completely lost track of who has already played...so just join in if you feel so inclined

1. I'm the only child of two only children married to a man with a large family, whose intricacies are minutely catalogued by my m-i-l...Nobody is ever "a cousin"...they are a third cousin four times removed and frankly I just don't get it!

2. I grew up by the sea, and feel the weather is wasted whenever there is a good storm in this strangely land-locked county. I so miss spray in my face...

3. When I was off school with flu at the age of 10 I taught myself to play the whole of Handel's Water Music on the recorder by playing along to the LP.

4. That was one of the first LPs I owned...The first was Vivaldi's Four Seasons, then daringly novel as it had recently been rediscovered by popular audiences. I still feel sad when I meet it as "call waiting" music.

5. I'm an adequate pianist, a bad cellist but quite a reasonable singer...I funded my own wedding largely by singing at other peoples' (thanks to the joys of the Greater London Choral Circuit!)

6. My first pet was an English Springer Spaniel named Robin, who arrived on my 6th birthday.

7. The 10 years between my father's death and our move from London to Gloucestershire were the only dogless time in my life: I hated it - my home is not properly a home without a dog in it.

8. This laptop is named Serafina Peccala - but I have yet to teach it to say "Norrrrrrway"

9. It took me 18 years to learn to like tea and coffee, nearly 30 to enjoy olives - but I've made up for that ever since.

10. I love extreme weather (or what passes for that here in the UK at least)...Torrential rain, blizzards (like the one I'm enjoying at the moment), howling gales, heatwaves, they all give me huge pleasure.

11.I love the theory of meeting new people but struggle with the reality as I never feel I have anything interesting to say. I suspect I'm a shy extrovert.

12. On the other hand, while we're talking Myers Briggs, my "F" and "I" functions are so strong they are pretty much off the scale.

13. This can make daily life with my ISTJ husband distinctly challenging.

14. My daughter is named after one of my best friends from childhood, the heroine of Ruth Sawyer's "Roller Skates". If I'd been allowed, I would have loved to call a daughter "Linnet" in honour of the "Green Knowe" books - but actually, her name suits Hattie Gandhi just fine.

(Please note...this is the wrong edition! It should be illustrated by Shirley Hughes. And I'd never realised till searching for the proper picture to post here how very much this matters with books one has loved as intimate friends in childhood. So that's blogger bonus random thing number 14.5)

15. I love the idea of being tidy and organised and always feel better if it is achieved - but find it well nigh impossible.

16. I had never travelled outside Europe till 2007, when I went to India. I think that has started something.

17. I have an only-slightly-secret longing for a tattoo on my foot. I wanted to get it when I was ordained priest and fear I may now have missed the moment.

18. I have been the happy owner of two Citroen 2CVs - Daisy & Skippy. They remain my favourite car and the day that I had to swap Skippy for something that started reliably was the day when I finally had to admit that I might be grown-up. I was 40 at the time :-(

19. I'm still 12 really though.

20. My two eldest children are older now than I was when my parents died. I find this really strange to contemplate.

21.One of the most amazing evenings of my life involved singing Bach's B Minor Mass in the chapel of Kings College, Cambridge.

22. I have inherited my mother's creative approach to elements of spoken English. Both "Heavenly caterpillars" and "Christmas daisies" are a regular response to being startled in these parts.

23. Apart from vicaring, my favourite job was bookselling at Hatchards in Piccadily.

24. In the pre-Christmas rush there, I once asked Princess Anne how she spelled her name.

25. Sloth is definitely my besetting example of the Seven Deadlies...I could sit here with duvet cat and laptop contemplating the blizzard all day, with deep contentment.

ummmm.........surely not!

Just found this on my desk - the instruction sheet for the water feature I bought for the last alt worship event

"Warning Label for Water Fountains
This hand -made Water feature, by nature of the style and function of the product, involves water"

Well, fancy that !!

With grateful thanks to M our verger

I am happy to report that the process of cleaning up my act has just become rather more entertaining.
Go and see for yourself!

Slightly too accurate

though of course, being an online quiz, it made this analysis without my actually writing a word. Kind of ironic, no?
Still, fwiw...

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress. You are very extroverted and outgoing. You are loving, friendly, and supportive. However, you are also manipulative and controlling at times. You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others. You need a bit of space in your life, but you're not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well. You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart. You are a decent communicator. You eventually get your point across, but sometimes you leave things a bit ambiguous.

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

Now, Curate, enough of these on-line diversions...don't you know there's
a sermon,a thought for the day,and a funeral address to write before bedtime. Go to it!

A long time ago

at a CME event we were asked to produce an image that conveyed how we saw ourselves as preachers. Though others came up with rather lovely images of a lens reflecting the light of Christ, or something that existed to connect God and his world, I found that the only picture that had any reality for me was of a dog crashing through the bracken, intent on indulging in a thrilling exploration...but losing the trail, heading off in the wrong direction, having to return to square one..Always, with wagging tail, huge enthusiasm and an overwhelming desire to please.
Close friends will be familiar with my references to my "inner golden retriever" - who sometimes gets all too enthusiastic, bounding up to people without reserve, and probably slobbering all over them too- so it was absolutely no surprise that when, following Rach's lead, I tried the latest quiz, this was my result. The last sentence in particular sung loud and clear for me!

You Would Be a Pet Dog

You're friendly, loyal, and an all around good sport. People love to be near you. You are very open with your feelings, and you're quite vocal in expressing them. You are sincere and kind. You love many people - without any sort of agenda. Why you would make a great pet: You're content to chill out with your friends Why you would make a bad pet: You always find yourself getting into trouble What you would love about being a dog: Running around and playing What you would hate about being a dog: Being left home alone while everyone else is out having fun

What Kind of Pet Would You Be?

WOOF!

A New Year's silly

before I go back to work, (with thanks to Sue)

The Recipe For Kathryn

3 parts Inspiration 2 parts Charisma 1 part Playfulness Splash of Fun Sip slowly on the beach

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

I've seen the daemon whom they think might be mine - and was rather overwhelmed by his sheer loveliness....so I'd be really grateful if we could establish whether or not he's really mine to keep!
Hattie Gandhi (a very stern critic where film versions of much loved books is concerned) reports entirely favourably on The Golden Compass (once she had got over the small matter of the change of title from the UK version "Northern Lights") - so I guess I need a daemon to accompany me to the cinema.

Not unduly surprised....

Eucharistic theology created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Orthodox You are Orthodox, worshiping the mystery of the Holy Trinity in the great liturgy whereby Jesus is present through the Spirit in a real yet mysterious way, a meal that is also a sacrifice. Orthodox 81% Calvin 75% Catholic 69% Luther 56% Zwingli 25% Unitarian 0%

Public announcement

Ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls and especially dogpals...I thought you should know this. As I came home from the 7.30 Eucharist this morning, none of the children heading for the junior school were wearing uniform.
I bumped into a group that I know, and asked what was going on, and was told, with beaming smiles, that

"Today is MUFTI DAY"

Mufti wishes to thank her devoted public for this sign of recognition of her central importance in all things, and will be giving audiences in the Curate's study by appointment throughout the day.

Edit; explanatory note for More Cows and others....Mufti = British Raj slang for " Civilian dress, especially when worn by one who normally wears a uniform. "...It was chosen by HG as the name of her puppy-with-a-posh-pedigree and kennel-name to match, so that on state (uniform) occasions the dog concerned might be known as Wyafon Kawarra but the rest of the time, in her everyday clothes, she's "Mufti".

Does anyone else

find the title of a website on the crematoria of Essex faintly comic?

HOW DO I GET THERE?

Ummm....not usually up to you, I'd have said.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good

Given the choice of getting on with a sermon on the Good Samaritan (oh dear...why is it so hard to preach familiar texts?) or indulging in a little happy silliness of the Harry Potter variety, how could I resist?
I don't join in with the Friday Five very often, partly at least because my Fridays seem to be a tad frantic...but the idea of a regular game to enjoy before the madness of a clerical weekend is a delight. And the fact that some of my RevGalBlogPals are willing to find time to be creative and entertaining week after week, devising them, is just one of the reasons why I'm so fond of the group. Random acts of sensless kindness don't have to come with a high purpose attached to be hugely appreciated.

So, just for fun (and with but miminal apologies to those who hoped I might be in reflective vein) here comes the Hogwarts Express
Accio Friday Five!

1. Which Harry Potter book is your favorite and why?
Ooh...tricky, that. The sheer pleasure of discovering The Philosopher's Stone, and the laughing out loud that accompanied our family read-in make me really fond of that...The only one I struggled to read was The Order of the Phoenix - in fact, I gave up for a long while, and only finished it when the next volume (which I loved) was in the offing. Do you know, I've not yet sorted out my order for The Deathly Hallows? Perhaps I'd better do something about that, or I'll feel a little left out in the next few weeks!

2. Which character do you most resemble? Which character would you most like to get to know?
Well, there's a distinct element of Mrs Weasley, of course...but yes, I think I'm really Hermione, bright, over-achiever, always terrified of not being good enough. In the interests of serious procrastination, I've just done a test that claims I'm Dumbledore, with Hermione coming in a very close second. "In my dreams", say I,-but I'd love to meet him. Can't choose one person to get to know, though. I want to spend time with all of them (seems like a re-read is in order). Hermione and I could be good friends, I'm sure.

3. How careful are you about spoilers?
a) bring 'em on--even if I know the destination, the journey's still good
b) eh, I'd rather not know what happens, but I'm not going to commit Avada Kedavra if someone makes a slip
c) I will sequester myself in a geodesic dome to avoid finding anything out
Oh, b, pretty much...though if something truly awful is going to happen, I guess I'd rather know...but generally, I'd prefer to find out as I go along.

4. Make one prediction/share one hope about book 7.
There will be some reconciliation of Harry with Voldemort as his shadow, by which both are somehow removed from the wizarding world - or have I done too much Jung this year?
I don't want Harry to die...but I think it would be even worse to lose a Weasley (poor Mrs W, how could she bear it?)...I'm rather sold on the happy ever after approach, honestly, though I don't think I've a hope of getting it.


5. Rowling has said she's not planning any prequels or sequels, but are there characters or storylines (past or future) that you would like to see pursued?
I'm happy to stop here I think, provided the ending satisfies. It's been fun, but probably not worthy of all the hype. And with my offspring scattered during the summer holidays these days, I don't need nice fat fiction for all the family as we once did. The books have grown up with my children, and while volumes 1-3 were essential corporate family reads, accompanying us on our holidays, latterly it has been every Fleming for him/herself and not enough copies to go round - so time to call it a day.

It seems a bit unlikely, but....

You scored as Albus Dumbledore, Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. Albus Dumbledore 75% Hermione Granger 75% Remus Lupin 65% Ron Weasley 60% Harry Potter 55% Ginny Weasley 50% Draco Malfoy 45% Sirius Black 45% Severus Snape 30% Lord Voldemort 25% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

A break from saints...

or "at last someone understands"


Thanks to John for posting this on his blog. It's quite simply perfect.

Do you recognise anyone here?

Yesterday's session of the Spir Dir course was, incredibly, the penultimate one. That means that 26 weeks have passed - which I find very difficult indeed to absorb. I've really enjoyed the work, and the people - though there has been some difficult stuff dredged up in the process, which I'd probably have preferred to let lie ("An avoider? me?? la la la...what a lovely day....look at those fluffy white clouds over there").
One way and another I've certainly benefitted hugely - and I hope that those whom I see for direction will benefit too,- since that's the point of the whole thing.

Yesterday amid the heavy stuff we were given a sheet which described caricatures of various styles of spiritual director....It might be copyright, so I'd best not post the whole thing much though I'd like to, but as was intended I recognised some of these tendencies in myself,- and one or two others made me giggle inordinately too.

Choose from the following selection while stocks last - probably buy one, get one free...

Blind Man's Buff - or "Your guess is as good as mine". The basis is to cover your tracks by avoiding any impression of expertise

The Agony Aunt - or "Lay your burdens upon me". The basis is that the director is there to "answer" or "solve" problems whether moral, psychological, emotional, intellectual or practical.

And I will raise them up - or "The art of coarse Messianism". The basis is a belief that the director must be the one to help this soul in need, to lift their burdens and save the world alone.

Never mind the quality - feel the width - or "the bluffers guide to spiritual conversation. The basis is that if I talk for long enough people seem to go away happy.

The Black Hole - or "it's hell but it's home". The basis is "don't expect any light. It it's painful it must be doing you good."

(Important note - none of the wonderful people who've had the dubious pleasure of directing me show any of these tendencies. I couldn't even guess which ones they might have to battle with.)

Thanks for the good advice and encouragement for the "traditional" funeral. It happened yesterday, - a blend of illegality, using material from the 1928 Prayer book, and readings from the Authorised Version plus a hefty chunk of Francis Thompson's The Hound of Heaven. By the end, I was heartily sick of the sound of my own voice, and really wished that the family had felt able to provide at least one reader to give a little variety....However, I'm kind of relieved that no-one else was reading from my script, which included the notable typo
"grant us grace so to follow the example of thy blessed Saints in all virtuous and dogly living, that we may come to those unspeakable joys..."
They nearly were unspeakable, as I struggled briefly with hysteria,- to emerge victorious.
Apart from that, the whole service went smoothly and the family felt that their mother's wishes had been honoured, while I felt that I'd preached the Resurrection rather than eternal gloom, so all is well.

In other news, my washing machine has moved on from eating mere socks to a whole surplice. I can think of no other explanation. Here's the story. On Easter Sunday night when I staggered home from church, I brought with me cassock-alb, cassock and surplice, reckoning they deserved a wash after recent frenetic activity. I put them in the washing pile, and went blithely off on holiday, returning to find cassock and cassock alb waiting for me in the study (HG is a top daughter, you know). It wasn't till I looked in the EU ironing mountain for the surplice for yesterday's service that I realised I might be in trouble. An extensive search of the house, in both likely and unlikely quarters, has yielded no fruit, though HG thinks she remembers hanging it in the airing cupboard to dry. Now, though, it is vanished as if it had never been. A Bermuda triangle for vestments? or just a domestic appliance getting above itself? Anxious curate wants to know.

LLLL23 - I do like a good haggle

Buy something at a local charity shop and reverse haggle

Attractive though this action is to an inveterate charity shopper, I suspect I'm just not going to get round to it before Easter. Indeed, I don't intend to go near the town centre and its shops at all in the next 3 weeks, unless I absolutely have to...so this one will just have to wait for the moment.

However, in honour of the noble concept of haggling (in either direction), herewith the scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian which sets a gold standard for hagglers everywhere

BRIAN: How much? Quick.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: What?
BRIAN: It's for the wife.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Oh. Uhhh, twenty shekels.
BRIAN: Right.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: What?
BRIAN: There you are.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Wait a minute.
BRIAN: What?
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Well, we're-- we're supposed to haggle.
BRIAN: No, no. I've got to get--
HARRY THE HAGGLER: What do you mean, 'no, no, no'?
BRIAN: I haven't time. I've got--
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Well, give it back, then.
BRIAN: No, no, no. I just paid you.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Burt!
BURT: Yeah?
HARRY THE HAGGLER: This bloke won't haggle.
BURT: Won't haggle?!
BRIAN: All right. Do we have to?
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now, look. I want twenty for that.
BRIAN: I-- I just gave you twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now, are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels?
BRIAN: No.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Look at it. Feel the quality. That's none of your goat.
BRIAN: All right. I'll give you nineteen then.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly.
BRIAN: What?
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen.
BRIAN: Well, you just said it was worth twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Ohh, dear. Ohh, dear. Come on. Haggle.
BRIAN: Huh. All right. I'll give you ten.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: That's more like it. Ten?! Are you trying to insult me?! Me, with a poor dying grandmother?! Ten?!
BRIAN: All right. I'll give you eleven.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now you're gettin' it. Eleven?! Did I hear you right?! Eleven?! This cost me twelve. You want to ruin me?!
BRIAN: Seventeen?
HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no, no, no. Seventeen.
BRIAN: Eighteen?
HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no. You go to fourteen now.
BRIAN: All right. I'll give you fourteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Fourteen?! Are you joking?!
BRIAN: That's what you told me to say.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Ohh, dear.
BRIAN: Ohh, tell me what to say. Please!
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Offer me fourteen.
BRIAN: I'll give you fourteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: He's offering me fourteen for this!
BRIAN: Fifteen!
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Seventeen. My last word. I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead.
BRIAN: Sixteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Done. Nice to do business with you.
BRIAN: Huh.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Tell you what. I'll throw you in this as well.
BRIAN: I don't want it, but thanks.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Burt!
BURT: Yeah?
BRIAN: All right! All right! All right!
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now, where's the sixteen you owe me?
BRIAN: I just gave you twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Oh, yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you, then.
BRIAN: Well, that's all right. That's fine. That's fine.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: No. Hang on. I've got it here somewhere.
BRIAN: That's all right. That's four for the gourd.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Four? For this gourd? Four?! Look at it. It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel.
BRIAN: But you just gave it to me for nothing.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: Yes, but it's worth ten!
BRIAN: All right. All right.
HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten. You're supposed to argue, 'Ten for that? You must be mad!' Ohh, well. [sniff] One born every minute.