Where did June go?

Once upon a time I used to blog almost every day...Some posts of the "What I did at the seaside" variety and some reflective writing inspired by life in the parish...I loved writing these, and treasured the community that gradually gathered, the friends I made in places I had never visited...Blogging was an important part of myself.

When I moved from my curacy to become priest in charge here, things changed.

It no longer seemed appropriate to do quite so much thinking aloud. After all, parishioners have the right to expect their priest to know what she thinks on matters of faith BEFORE she hears what she says...and of course the unbloggable, confidential matters multiplied too...As did general busyness...It multiplied, and multiplied and multiplied again - so that last month I managed just 6 posts, (of which one was a sermon and one a "Friday Five"). What price interesting reflective blogging now, then?

But I can't quite give up.

I cling to the hope, however unrealistic, that one day I might regain control of my diary and find the space and time to write more. I really found it helpful, on so many different levels, and though I enjoy the instant communication of twitter it really isn't the same.

So...what HAVE I been doing in June? It's been a rather good month, and I'd hate to lose track of it.

Back on 1st June I hit another decade...This was NOT something I was planning to take in good part...the problem with being a relatively energetic vicar in a somewhat elderly church is that you begin to believe in your own PR....so the idea of being old enough to qualify for a Saga holiday was almost enough to push me over the edge. Until, that is, my delightful (if devious) children threw a surprise party for me. Now, instead of being appalled at the passage of time, I find myself overwhelmed at the thought of the many wonderful people whom I can call "friend", whom I've collected over the past 50 years...From S & T ,who have been part of my life for as long as I remember, to C whom I met in the sandpit on my first day at school, A., with whom I spent my teenage years playing piano duets, N., who got me through vicar school, M., the WonderfulVicar who made my curacy pure joy, J who keeps my head above water in more ways than I care to consider,  F & S who gave me the gift of laughter as I learned, and K who ensures that I'm never lonely here...SUCH wonderful people gathered in the vicarage, and paddled in the paddling pool, and ate gin & orange jelly...

And as the evening wore on I realised that 50 wasn't a burden but a gift, and remembered that my children were the greatest gift of all, and rejoiced in loving and being loved.

That first week of June also saw the arrival of the chickens I've wanted since first we moved from London to our Georgian farmhouse in the Cotswolds...Delightful in themselves, but do you know - they even lay eggs!

Then my curate, the Herring of Christ, was ordained priest in a splendid service at the Cathedral, and presided at the Eucharist with just the right balance of confidence and transparency, and I heaved a sigh of relief that, despite the vaguaries of his training incumbent, he is now safely priested and ready to serve the Church.

And my two valley communities, Church & School, had a wonderful combined fete...at which lots of money was made but more importantly the community life was celebrated and strengthened

And my youngest child finished his A levels and left school, making me a trainee empty-nester (oh deep c**p) 

I also sang in Bristol Cathedral as part of a rather wonderful choir at the memorial service for Jonny Leonard, a hugely gifted musician and good friend, who died untimely...and found myself remembering that I really CAN sing quite reasonably, and that good choral music is actually quite necessary to me ("quite necessary" as in "air is quite necessary")

And the two parishes continue to delight and confuse and madden and sadden and stimulate and exasperate me (mostly in the space of any given 24 hour period)

And the Church of England seems intent on subjecting ordained women to another round of "Is your priesthood really valid" as synod prepares to vote on the ordination of women to the episcopacy.

I really should have blogged sooner, shouldn't I.

No idea what July might entail, but I'll try rather harder to stay in touch, even if I'm the only one left reading by now.

Friday Five: Time and Transitions

Mother Laura came up with a Friday Five on a hugely pertinent subject, so despite being out and about till well into the small hours this morning, I'm joining in - late as ever...

1. If you could travel to any historical time period, which would it be, and why?
When I was a child, I spent a lot of time imagining myself in Tudor England...probably because I liked the big jewelery and the idea of a powerful woman ruling....and all that wonderful poetry and music about the place. However, as I do rather enjoy the benefits of modern plumbing I think I'd actually like to visit my parents as young marrieds in the early 1950s. Losing them when I was 18 means that I've no real sense of who they were as adults, as opposed to parents – and I'd love to change that, though I'm not convinced that I really want to experience the aftermath of rationing...
Hmmn. Maybe I'll just stay here - now is good.

2. What futuristic/science fiction development would you most like to see?
This week, as I run in ever decreasing circles, the ability to be in two places at once would be fabulous...or, better still, to stop time till I had caught up with it.

3. Which do you enjoy more: remembering the past, or dreaming for the future?
I do both, and love both...I love to tell the stories of the past and to see how our own stories intermesh with them, but when I look at my wonderful children I have so many dreams for them and their futures. On the whole, though, savouring the here and now feels like a good and wise policy....so I'm working on being present to the present.

4. What do you find most memorable about this year's Lent?
I fear that Lent has been high-jacked for me by the business of preparing to depart from St M's. The spiritual reading I promised myself, the space to pray and to be, have been set aside to be replaced by concern that I should end well, that I should do what I can to notice and appreciate all that is given to me in this place by these people. This may sound very affected, but one Holy Week during ordination training we were given a powerful and painful opportunity to meditate on our own deaths...As a parent, predictably my grief and anxiety was all around leaving my children. There was lots of other stuff around, of course, but I remember asking the chaplain in some desperation how she imagined that Jesus had felt as he connected his mother with his best friend, and was comforted by her answer “Utterly torn in two, I would think”....It has made it easier to consciously focus on his presence as I work on letting go of precious people and situations here.


5. How will you spend your time during this upcoming Holy Week? What part do you look forward to most?
Are you sitting comfortably?
Tomorrow, Palm Sunday, I am presiding at the early Eucharist, and then at 10.00 we have the Palm Sunday liturgy, a procession with palms from the shopping precinct into church and a Eucharist with a full dramatised Passion.
Monday features a last Assembly at the Junior School, and the setting up of the “Experience Easter” trail in church, ready to welcome one class in the afternoon....It also features a visit from FabBishop to our local secondary school, which is to become affiliated to the diocese, which is most exciting. In the evening we have Stations of the Cross..
Tuesday- another set of school visits, my final Jaffa Club and an Iona service in the evening
Wednesday – Home Communions (assuming I remember to contact those concerned) and meetings in Gloucester, followed by a Taize service at 7.30
Thursday -Chrism Mass at the Cathedral...the renewal of ordination vows, which feels specially wonderful and timely with my new job looming so largely ahead...the blessing of the oils (thanks to Marcella, I now have 3 completely undignified by completely water tight pots to collect the oils in...If I tell you that she works in the health service, I bet you can guess what they are usually intended for :-) )
Evening Eucharist of the Last Supper, with footwashing, stripping of the altars and the Watch in the garden...I'm both presiding and preaching at this service, which is for me one of the most special in the whole year...and I'm hugely grateful to WonderfulVicar for allowing me this privilege. After that I will head over to the Parish Centre where my lovely Koinonia have a sleep over and keep the Watch together...We have no huge craft programmes in mind this year, as they will all be tired from school (Easter doesn't coincide with school holidays in the UK any more thanks to the madness of the liturgical calendar...so they will only have Good Friday and Easter Monday as holidays) but we will keep watch with our Lord in the chapel, and just spend time together...maybe even sleep a little.
Good Friday – liturgy of the Passion, procession of witness with our ecumenical friends, the Three Hours (led this year by the ever wonderful Director of Ministry for the diocese, whose wisdom during my diaconal ordination retreat has shaped pretty much everything ever since...so I MUST be awake enough to hear him) and in the evening a choral concert in church.
Holy Saturday we rest in the tomb, or maybe we hang curtains at the new vicarage...till the Easter Vigil and Service of Light at 8.30......
Then there is Easter Sunday, with all its joy – enhanced by the admission of 4 children to Holy Communion for the first time. I'm presiding, and this is just the best way to say goodbye to the church family here.I am relying on the liturgy to carry me through the bits I would otherwise find impossible.
Prayers for the whole thing very very welcome.
There's a tea party in the afternoon, then I preach at Evensong – and that's it.
It is finished.


And then I get on a plane.
I can't help wishing the Big Event were a little closer to home, as the whole getting there and meeting up element feels very scary at the moment – but the prospect of a week drawing breath with some very dear people is a welcome one indeed. Too many transitions for one small curate....and not enough time, - but then, there never is!

Time well spent (part 1)

Everyone seems to be considering their schedules at the moment (here, here and here for starters), and I am very aware that I need to build in some strategies to ensure that my time is spent sensibly (no blogging at random moments, I guess) when I’m a real live Priest in Charge (Yes, I know it would be good to get that sorted as a curate – but with fewer non-negotiable responsibilities it has been a bit more fluid – sometimes alarmingly so).
At last week’s interview, I was honest about my struggles with schedules. It's not that I’m fundamentally disorganised. I used to run the office for a busy charity before ordination, and once upon a time I co-ordinated a huge network of volunteers via the NCT (something I’d almost forgotten till I was doing my skills-audit before the interview) – but I do need lots of pressure in order to accomplish things. It's certainly true to say that the more manic my life is, the happier I am (in an hysterical "Omg, I'll never get it all done" sort of way - but, friends, those shrieks are a necessary part of the process) and the more I'll achieve.Longer deadlines, though, are a disaster. The Little Fishes Songbook which I began planning 2 years ago will be done before I move on – but probably only because I am moving on. Hmmn. Really not great. The strategy I suggested at the interview was to build myself artificial deadlines along the way – and to deal with all the straightforward and undemanding stuff as it comes up. Sounds simple, but we’ll have to see. Meanwhile, I’d love any tips (particularly from other ENFPs) about sensible time management, and tomorrow I'll say a little more about the vexed question of how I actually use my time at the moment.

Ouch!

The amazing Dave does it again...(sometimes I wish he wouldn't)

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Oh my friends, and readers, thank you all for showing love and friendship, care and support to the person I am.
Hugs all round, and may your Valentine's day be full of love wherever you look for it.

Ms Average confronts reality

Just home from the "Speed Awareness" course I was offered as an alternative to nasty points on my licence...and very interesting, if sobering, it was too.

I was absolutely "average" in every area of the tests we were given, which pretty much supports my view that I drive safely but unimaginatively,-.and tend to have "better things" to think about along the way. I was appalled by how intensely I concentrated on video "hazard perception" tests (after 3o minutes I emerged with knuckles white and blood pressure raised) in contrast to the way I concentrate when I'm driving for real.I've thought of driving time, with some pleasure, as my space to consider God, life, everything...but maybe not the road.

Even more appalled by the demonstrations of the damage wrought at assorted speeds. At the 33mph for which I was booked, the poor dummy was carried for several metres on the bonnet of the car...Once speeds exceeded 40, it was so unfunny that I'm not going to write about it - but if you were behind me on the A40 this evening as I came home, I'm sorry if you were bored, but truly, that was the fastest I could morally manage.

Every now and then (or possibly more often than that) its good to remember how dangerous cars really are.
Please, oh lovely people about whom I care, drive carefully.

Never work...

with children and animals!

The well-worn adage rings very true for me today....I came home early this afternoon to discover that dogs and cats had conspired to knock over 2 of the large pots of geraniums which are currently evading the frost just inside the French doors in the dining room, scattering earth everywhere, which the cat(s?) had elected to use as a litter tray.

No time to deal with this, as I needed to shoot straight back out to the Junior School, where in the course of decorating jam-jar lanterns in honour of Candlemass, one delightful child elected to thrownavy blue glass-paint all over the pale grey library carpet....

I know, I know. Life just is messy sometimes - but I do wish it wasn't. Still, viewed more positively, this may be the escape route from my "What do I do with the JAFFA Club" Tuesday afternoon panics!