God in the gap - a sermon for St Matthew's Day.

When I was working in London in my twenties I always knew when the tube reached Embankment station, even if it was too crowded to see out of the window. You see, Embankment had a recorded announcement, which started the moment a train pulled in….. "Mind the Gap".
It was good advice if you didn't want to look very silly indeed, spread-eagled on the platform at the height of rush hour. Gaps can be hazardous things….

On the other hand, gaps can also be places of creative potential……where there is the space for almost anything to happen.
When I looked at our Gospel reading for today, I noticed a big gap between the first half of the story and the second. If you remember, we hear that Jesus calls Matthew, who gets up and follows him.
Full stop. That's it…
Then the story starts again, in another place: suddenly they are having dinner at the house. We aren't told which house….whether it’s the same day…we don't even know for sure if Matthew's a member of the party, though the references to tax collectors certainly make it seem likely.But it's not spelled out. We have to use the gaps imaginatively to try and get an overall picture of what's going on for Matthew, and what it might mean for us.
This isn't rare in Scripture.
It's often in the gaps that the Holy Spirit has the space to work….to draw us in to the situation, and to apply it to ourselves, perhaps by placing ourselves in the scene. There's an ancient tradition of prayer that works in this same way, by inviting us to enter the Gospels through our imaginations, so that the experience becomes our own. Sometimes, this can be very fruitful.
So, can I ask you to brave the gap with me today?

Are you sitting comfortably?
Then we'll let Matthew speak for himself.

"I can't pretend that tax collection was ever a lifetime's ambition. I kind of guessed, when the school careers advisor talked about my problems relating to people that this might be the line he'd take…..after all, you don't have to be friends with people to relieve them of their money. In fact, it rather helps if you're not too popular beforehand, as you certainly won't be once you get started.
I've always been a loner.
On the fringes.
Maybe it's not so surprising that, with nobody else to like me, or care about me, I've rather tended to take care of Number 1.
OK, I'll be straight with you.
Sometimes that's involved some less than honest dealings with the tax payer, but if you have to go home each night to an empty house, it might as well be the most comfortable house that money can buy. With a moat. And a duck house.
I kind of hoped that feathering my own nest, if it didn't actually buy me friends, might at least soften the loneliness a little.
It didn't.
I hated my life.
I hated the way the holy people, the Pharisees and Scribes, looked down their noses at me.
I hated the way boys I'd been at school with crossed the road to avoid speaking to me.
I suppose, if I'm honest, I hated me.
All in all, not a good place to be.
Just this huge empty feeling inside, a gap which I didn't know how to fill. Horrible.

Well…that was me as I woke up this morning. Another day….counting shekels, diverting a few here and there, passing the time till I could go home to the empty house. A day like any other, going nowhere.
Then, abruptly, it changed direction. I heard voices……..loud voices……excited voices.
A crowd, coming this way, drawn by that wandering preacher man, the Carpenter……Jesus, his name is……
Well, I'd wanted to look into his dealings for quite a while. Not much tax coming from his group, I can tell you though I'm sure that anyone who attracts that sort of crowd is raking it in somewhere…… The mob were all around me, pushing against my table, till I was worried they'd knock it over, and some precious coins would be lost…
As usual, I only saw their back views.
No-one was interested in telling me what was going on.
No-one was interested in me, full stop. I might as well have been invisible…
Or that's what I thought, till he spoke.
Just 2 words, but they were enough.
"Follow me".

Well, I knew he couldn't mean me.
I looked behind me, to see who he was talking to…. but there was no-one behind me.
And those eyes of his, they seemed to focus on me as if I was the only person there had ever been.
"Follow me"
Jesus, the man whose attention everyone wanted, seemed to want mine.
What else could I do?
I followed him……
I left it all.
The booth under the tree.
The tidy piles of coins (might as well forget going in to work tomorrow, then…….that's a sacking matter)….
no going back.
I followed him.
No idea where we were going. What we were going to do.
Just knowing that, for the first time in years, someone was looking at me as if I might be worth bothering with, as if I might, after all, be vaguely human.

That's what we talked about, actually, as we walked. He told me wonderful things. That I was called by name, and precious to God. That God had more than enough love in him to fill my emptiness, and blot out my failure. That God didn't really mind that much that I'd failed all the official "tests" of the Law, that I never made it to worship on the sabbath….
When the Pharisees came bursting in, full of criticisms of my life style, and my friends (not sure I'd have called them friends, really………just people I knew…..people no-one else wanted to know…….)
Well, when the religious right arrived, and started telling Jesus how awful we all were……oh, I loved that bit.
Jesus wasn't rude or unkind………he just told them that we needed him…
"It's not the well but the sick that need a doctor"
They couldn't exactly argue with that, could they?
They'd been so busy telling him what sick life-styles we had, and he simply pointed out that he was there to help us get better…..then, and this was the best thing, he used the Law and the prophets to prove his point.
He asked them if they really understood the words
"I desire mercy and not sacrifice!"
I wish you'd seen their faces. Even to a bystander, it was obvious that they didn't get it.
They were hot-stuff at all the sabbath observances, the purity laws, the showy things that marked them out as godly people, but when it came to anything deeper……..well……. They didn't know where to put themselves.

To start with, I just sat there enjoying their discomfort, but then the words started buzzing in my head too.
Mercy, not sacrifice.
Not sacrifice…. No need to go on bleeding people dry.
No need to bleed myself dry either.
Mercy.
Not too sure I really understand that....but I do know it means that things are alright between me and God.
Jesus didn't just tell me that. He showed me, too. When he is around, I can somehow see myself as he sees me, in a whole new light. No need to condemn myself for the past, or even for the mess of the present.
Because he finds me loveable, I might just one day learn to love myself. Meanwhile, if what he says about God is true, then looking into his face is like looking into the loving face of God himself."

There we have it. Matthew found God when He allowed Jesus into the gap in his life. He didn't try to paper over it, to tidy up the loose ends before he followed. He just came, as the broken, unhappy soul that he was, and found the love and acceptance which is on offer for us all. It may take courage to admit our gaps, but when we do, God can use them to do something wonderful.

Hail, bright Cecilia

Today the church celebrates Cecilia, virgin martyr and accidental patron of music...
It being a Saturday, no doubt hundreds of concerts will have been held in her honour in churches across the world - and I was more than slightly disappointed to discover that there is nothing even remotely resembling a Collect for her in Common Worship.
At the moment, neither of my churches has a strong enough choir to make this feast day something we can celebrate in house, but it was through Choral Evensong as much as the poetry of Herbert and Donne that I found myself awakened to faith, and I've always known the deep truth of Augustine's words
"(S)he who sings prays twice"
So here, with gratitude for all those who make music in our churches and those who dedicate their creative gifts to produce music in tune with the songs of heaven, is the prayer of the Royal School of Church Music.
Next year maybe I'll take time to write my own

We give thanks to God for all his blessings.
We give especial thanks for the music of the church in this place
and for the work of the Royal School of Church Music throughout the world.

God our Father, supreme Creator
we give you thanks
for the skills and imagination
to shape sound and silence into music.
Enriched by your Holy Spirit,
may our song always tell of your love and saving power,
and may our lives be ever committed to your service.
We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Mercy not sacrifice - some thoughts on the call of Matthew.

The last time I preached on St Matthew's day, I was part way through my training for ordination, and enjoying a 3 month placement at St James's Church in Tredworth, Gloucester It was a memorable evening for assorted reasons.
To begin with, for the first time, though not the last, I had one of those experiences that make a preacher's blood run cold. As the gospel reading began I listened with growing horror. This was not the account of the call of Matthew that I was expecting, the reading that my service sheet suggested, - but something quite quite different. I came within a whisker, as a very new preacher, of throwing in the towel there and then and asking the vicar to take over - but I knew that one of my tutors was there to assess my performance, so that wasnt really an option. Fortunately that night I'd chosen to tackle the call of Matthew via an Ignatian style meditation, inviting my congregation to enter into the story and experience its power at first hand...so it was possible to continue with just a few words of introduction. I told the story again from Matthew's viewpoint, highlighting his experience of being made an outsider because of his profession, his lonely existence as the one whom nobody really wanted to know. I imagined people shying away when they found themselves close to him, considered the impact that must have had, the steady erosion of self-esteem till he began to see himself, perhaps, as less than fully human. I talked about the radical shock of hearing himself called by Jesus, of being told that Jesus needed him - him, the one whom nobody needed, nobody wanted Of his amazement in discovering that he could just walk away from his old life into a future made bright by the welcome shining in Jesus' eyes
That despised and broken as he was, Jesus saw his hunger and sat down beside him to eat.
I talked about the discomfort of the Pharisees as they were put in their place, - they, the experts in the law and its meticulous observance, hearing it turned against them "I desire mercy not sacrifice"
Above all, I talked about liberation... The realisation that with Jesus, we can turn from our old way of being, and can embrace with confidence a future beyond our imaginings. That no matter who we are, mercy, not sacrifice, is the yardstick by which we are judged.
It wasn't a bad sermon, actually - but what made that evening memorable was the impact it had on one member of the congregation. I led the intercessions, reflecting the same themes of acceptance and of liberation, and when the time came moved into the nave to share the Peace. That's when I saw him, a middle aged man in rather shabby clothes, sitting in the back row sobbing his heart out. For all my reticence as a learner priest, I knew that I had to go over and see if he wanted to talk. Imagine my surprise when he gripped my hand in both of his and said "Thank you so much. That sermon was my story. You won't have seen me here before because I've been in Dartmoor for the past 5 years. I was released on Friday. I've been the one whom nobody wanted to know...but I'm also the one whom Jesus called, and Jesus welcomed. Now I'm free." My own tears mingled with his as we sang the Offertory hymn, And Can it be "My chains fell off, my heart was free, I rose, went forth and followed thee"

That evening, two of us at least were so very conscious of the reckless mercy of God...Two of us, amid a congregation of fifty, went home knowing that God still calls not the righteous, but sinners to repentence.

We've no idea what prompted the founding fathers of this church to choose Matthew as its patron, but we can be glad that the gospel truth of unconditional love and boundless welcome is built into our DNA from the day the foundation stone was laid.
May God give us grace to cherish the outsiders and welcome them in his name, even as he welcomes us, broken and battered by sin, to feast at his table.

Barnabas

Today we give thanks for one of my favourite apostles - whom I love because of his celebrated gift of encouragement.
We thought about that at the Eucharist at Church in the Valley and I invited the congregation to thank God for those who encouraged them - while in our prayers we asked God to show us those who needed encouragement in their turn...
I spoke about the way the playgroup children who use our church hall each day are a huge encouragement to me, because they almost universally believe, each and every morning, that today is going to be the best day ever, that possibilities are endless. I reminded them that in a world alive with God's presence, this was not such an unreasonable attitude, and suggested that we might each be the same sort of gift to others that the children are to me. It all made good "heart sense" and, as usual on a Wednesday morning, God's love was so solidly present you could almost cut slices of it.
Just before I began the Eucharistic prayer I realised that there was one very imortant thing that I'd not mentioned in my thought for the day - the way that the faith, fellowship and love of that Wednesday congregation is a precious Kingdom-sign that encourages me week after week.
So I told them...and then we celebrated together and it was very good.

Bountiful God, giver of all gifts
Who poured your Spirit upon your servant Barnabas
and gave him grace to encourage others:
Help us, by his example,
to be generous in our judgements
and unselfish in our service
Through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord
who is alive and reigns with you
in the unity of the Holy Spirit
one God, now and forever.

A Prayer of Saint Boniface

Eternal God, the refuge and help of all your children,
we praise you for all you have given us,
for all you have done for us,
for all that you are to us.
In our weakness, you are strength,
in our darkness, you are light,
in our sorrow, you are comfort and peace.
We cannot number your blessings,
we cannot declare your love:
For all your blessings we bless you.
May we live as in your presence,
and love the things that you love,
and serve you in our daily lives;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

This was a good resource for a day that included back to back funerals, one of which was quite hard going...Perhaps I'll be more awake to the legacy of St Boniface this time next year!

Friday Five - Options, Options edition

Sally has offered us a choice of questions this week - but since one set concerns the Superbowl, which is so American I'm not even quite sure what sport it refers to, I'm happy to go with the other. Indeed, having used a Candlemass focus for our Ecumencial ministers' prayer time at lunchtime today, it's very much at the forefront of my mind. (In case you're interested, I talked about the feast, used some material from Hay and Stardust and - this is the good, if obvious, bit - invited each person there to light a candle from the large central "Christ candle" to represent their own church...underlining the one light in which we try to walk. It worked a treat!)

So - in answer to Sally, and by way of wishing her Happy Birthday for tomorrow as well...

Candlemas/ Imbloc/ Groundhog day/ St Brigid's day- all of these fall on either the 1st or 2nd February. 1. Do you celebrate one or more of these?
We most certainly do…For us, Candlemas (aka The Feast of the Presentation of Christ in the Temple) is the final element of Christmas. Our crib has stayed up in church til this weekend, and we have one at home too but on Sunday they will be put away as we look away from Christmas and towards Lent and Passiontide....As we hear the story of Christ's Presentation, and his recognition by Simeon and Anna, we remember not just the joy with which Simeon greeted the "light to lighten the Gentiles" but also the foreboding of his words to Mary
"And a sword shall pierce your own soul also". It's one of those hinge points in the liturgical year.

2. How?
In the medieval church, this was the festival when all the candles to be used for the rest of the year would be blessed. Today, the Church of England “Common Worship – Times and Seasons” has a lovely provision for marking this transition time. At the end of the Eucharist, during the final hymn each member of the congregation will be given a lighted candle - then the clergy will make our way to the font while the choir sings Simeon’s song, the Nunc Dimittis…Once there we are all brought to focus on our baptism, and recommissioned to bear the light of Christ into the world.

3. Is this a bit of fun or deeply significant?
Significant, right enough. Here’s part of the liturgy, just to reinforce this

Father, here we bring to an end our celebration
of the Saviour’s birth.
Help us, in whom he has been born,
to live his life that has no end.
Here we have offered the Church’s sacrifice of praise.
Help us, who have received the bread of life,
to be thankful for your gift.
Here we have rejoiced with faithful Simeon and Anna.
Help us, who have found the Lord in his temple,
to trust in your eternal promises.
Here we have greeted the light of the world.
Help us, who extinguish [bear] these candles,
never to forsake the light of Christ.
Here we stand near the place of baptism.
Help us, who are marked with the cross,
to share the Lord’s death and resurrection.
Here we turn from Christ’s birth to his passion.
Help us, for whom Lent is near,
to enter deeply into the Easter mystery.
Here we bless one another in your name.
Help us, who now go in peace,
to shine with your light in the world.
Thanks be to God.

4. Are festivals/ Saints days important to you?
I love them….
I love the varied focus they give to the Church’s year, the way that each one has something to teach us, the way that we find against all expectations that we have something in common with these brothers and sisters in Christ across space and time…because their stories are so human, that again and again I'm forced to reassess the potential for holiness in the most unlikely people around me ;-)


5. Name your favourite Saints day/ celebration.
Eeek - there are so many to choose from, even with a calendar that is less generous with its commemorations than that of the Roman Catholic church (which, I was told in my childhood, has a saint or two for each single day of the year)...
Common Worship has a collection of "Lesser festivals and commemorations" which features some dear friends - George Herbert, Lancelot Andrewes, John Donne, Bonnhoeffer....a goodly fellowship indeed. As for "Official Saints" - I love St Cecilia, for the music of course – all those wonderful concerts I’ve sung in while in Cambridge and London specially…And Lucy for the candles and my lovely lovely daughter….but I was baptised on St Francis day, and have felt that this allowed me an offical sanction for my lifelong passion for animals…

My two new churches are dedicated to St Matthew and All Saints, so there will be lots of scope for creative celebrations in the years ahead I hope.

Words, words, words

One of the snags of being ENFP, infinitely distractible and almost certainly trying to do too many things at once on any given occasion is my tendency never to notice details (unless they are what distracts me, of course - oh look - a Christmas tree!)
So it wasn't till I posted last night that I realised that I'd passed my 1000th post -
Ironically, I think it was the one I called Making a Mark

That seems an awful lot of expeditions into other people's lives. Thank you for the generosity with which you receive my words and encourage me to keep on writing. I'll hope to be awake enough to notice when I get to 1111 and we'll party then, OK?


Meanwhile, today the church is celebrating John, apostle and evangelist, and writer of perhaps the most perfect prose in the Bible. Since he quite reasonably didn't write his own collect, it's a bit of an anticlimax:


Merciful Lord
cast your bright beams of light upon the Church;
that being enlightened by the teaching
of the apostle and evangelist Saint John,
we may so walk in the light of your truth
that we may at the last attain to the light of everlasting life;
through Jesus Christ your incarnate Son our Lord...

Hilda and ecumenism

Today the church remembers with gratitude Hilda of Whitby. When I set out to write about her during ordination training, I was disappointed that there was relatively little material to draw on, beyond the pages of Bede.
After all, as Abbess of a “Double monastery” of monks and nuns living together she is a real inspiration for women called to leadership in today’s church, today’s world, and it was heartening to read that in the Celtic church the belief was
"there resides in women an element of holiness and prophecy, so that men do not scorn to ask their advice nor lightly disregard their replies”’

[Aside:I love the idea of a double monastery…of a group of women living, 2 or 3 to a hut, in one part of the foundation with men in another and all uniting in daily worship. It seems to be a kind of ecclesiastical version of my dream existence for couples, each living in a tower of a gate house, with living rooms over the arch, to be visited when company is welcome!]

However, back to Hilda. Though her leadership of the community at Whitby brought her respect and renown in her day, she might now be almost forgotten were it not for the Synod that she hosted, to decide the course of English Christianity. The decision to follow the Roman calendar, and Roman practice generally was not without some cost – Aidan and his monks withdrew to Lindisfarne and their influence waned – but it seems to have been brought about with remarkably little resentment. Oswiu, the Northumbrian king who had ordered the synod, produced a succinct rationale for clarifying the situation of the English church
“it behooved those who serve one God to observe the same rule of life, and as they all expect the same kingdom in heaven, so they ought not to differ in the celebration of the Divine mysteries”
Having spent yesterday evening at our annual Charlton Kings Churches Songs of Praise, I can only agree.
Perhaps Hilda and all those who through the ages have been prepared to make some painful concessions for the sake of the gospel will pray for us as we continue to tie ourselves in knots and hurt one another both within and across denominations.

Meanwhile, Bede has a lovely legend of the time before Hilda's birth when her mother
[Breguswith] fancied in a dream that she was seeking [her husband] most carefully, and could find no sign of him anywhere; but after having used all her industry to seek him, she found a most precious jewel under her garment, which……..cast such a light as spread itself throughout all Britain; which dream was brought to pass in her daughter…whose life was a bright example to all who desired to live well.”

The legend is reflected in the Common Worship Collect for today

Eternal God
Who made the abbess Hilda to shine like a jewel in our land
and through her holiness and leadership blessed your Church with new life and unity:
Help us, like her, to yearn for the gospel of Christ
and to reconcile those who are divided;
through him who is alive and reigns with you
in the unity of the Holy Spirit
one God, now and forever.

For her feast day

a prayer by Teresa of Avila

May you be blessed forever Lord
For not abandoning us when we abandoned you.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For offering your hand of love in our darkest most lonely moments.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For loving us more than we love ourselves.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For continuing to pour your blessings upon us
Even though we respond so poorly.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For drawing out the goodness in all people
Even including us.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For repaying our sin with love.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For being constant and unchanging amidst all the changes of the world.
May you be blessed forever Lord
For all your countless blessings on us and on all your creatures.